she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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