No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
