In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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