Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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