My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
