i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
