the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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