So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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