Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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