I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You ruined the universe
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
