that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
