i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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