She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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