I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
