At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
