I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
