lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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