the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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