He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
