"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
