Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
