Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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