we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
