they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
