Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
