it wasn't lemon gatorade
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
