Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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