ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
