I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
