I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
