Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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