Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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