He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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