We're facebook friends in real life
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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