either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
