she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
