I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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