the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
