I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
