I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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