He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
