I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
