alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
