he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
