You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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