well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
