How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
