AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
