my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
