I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
