did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
