i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She bit a glass in half.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
