Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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