She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
