He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
