The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
