I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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