New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
