we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
