He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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