i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
