I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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