The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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