A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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