Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
