Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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