dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize