The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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