I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
