@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
