what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
