it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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