Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
