I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
