I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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