If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
