and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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