Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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