Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
