There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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