shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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