john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
