Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
