i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
