He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
