is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
