Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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