woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
