We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize