I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
