Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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