i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
