dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I look better un-naked...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
