i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
