I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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