After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
