you would pick up someone in the library
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize