why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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