Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
