I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
