GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
