Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
