i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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