my vag is so smooth its legendary
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize