she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
